The Intellect Appropriation
by Sanctuaria
Summary: My rewrite of Sheldon's one act play he and Penny did from "The Thespian Catalyst" in season 4. Features Spock, Lucky #2 the cat, Sheldon's parents, and a special surprise for Sheldon up on the starship Enterprise.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of this story, it all belongs to whoever owns _The Big Bang Theory_ TV show. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The Intellect Appropriation

It was a warm summer night in east Texas. In the distance, a lone train whistled in the evening air, cutting through the droning buzz of cicadas. Somewhere far away, a coyote howled at the moon, the eerie noise enough to frighten sensitive young boys everywhere. In the woods, and owl screeched, having been successful in its first hunt of the night. A large house stood quietly next to a flowing river. It was painted a soft off-white and seemed to glow in the moonlight. Inside, a heavy-set man sat in an armchair, scanning the paper for football ticket information. He adjusted the small, wire-rimmed glasses on his nose and took a drink from the Pepsi can in his right hand. A cat, Lucky #2, rubbed against his leg and jumped backwards as the man kicked at him.

Upstairs, the man's son crouched on the floor, arms crossed, staring through the small hole in the wooden floor normally covered by the rug at his father, hoping he wouldn't make Sheldon go with him again. Outside on the porch, Mary Cooper, Sheldon's mother, paused with her sweeping to gaze out at the landscape and praise the Lord for all the blessings He bestowed on her family. It was then that she noticed the test tube and microscope sitting on the railing.

"Shelly!" she exclaimed, "Shelly, how many times have I told you not to leave your sciencey stuff out on the porch?"

Sheldon sprang up, his genius mind running a million times a minute as he ran quickly down the stairs. "See, if I had a griffin, it would pick up my stuff for me," he muttered as he reached the bottom step.

"No more mutterin' in this house, ye hear?" his father called from the next room over.

Sheldon went outside to the porch, making sure not to close the door behind him so he could see. He picked up the microscope and peered at it in the semidarkness. He polished the lens with the hem of his T-shirt that read _Jesus 3 Texas._

"Goodness, I'll never understand that boy," Mary Cooper said as Sheldon went back inside with his things. She began to sweep again. "But then again, I'm a religious nut, and my mind is closed to so many things."

There was an odd noise behind her, a "woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo," and the porch was flooded with light, which quickly faded away but left her more than a bit blinded. She turned and stared at the man standing there in a blue uniform, a golden triangular badge glittering on the left side of it. The tips of his ears forming points and his angled eyebrows gave him an otherworldly, commanding, appearance. He lifted his radio to his mouth. "Spock to Enterprise. Transport successful."

"Glory be to heaven, some sort of creature just manifested itself out of thin air," Mrs. Cooper said wonderingly. "George," she called, "put down that Pepsi can full of bourbon that ain't foolin' no one and get your shotgun!"

"Greetings, Mary Cooper," the man said, holding up his hand in a peculiar greeting, with the middle fingers and thumb separated from one another. "I am Spock."

"Oh my," Mrs. Cooper said, clutching at her heart.

"We have been monitoring your son Sheldon from the twenty-third century, and we have determined that he is now ready to join us. His unique genius is our best hope for bringing peace to a vast and, troubled, galaxy," Spock told her.

"I understand," Mrs. Cooper said, standing up a little straighter. "Oh, Shelly?" she called, "A man's here to take you to the future! Be sure to pack clean underwear!"

"Mom, why on Earth would I need clean underwear?" Sheldon shouted from upstairs.

"You might not be on Earth!" she called back, "And anyway, I always want you to have clean underwear in case you're in an accident. Even in the future, there will always be accidents. Especially with you doing your crazy experiments." Sheldon ran down the stairs carrying a large bag packed full. "That's not all comic books?" Mrs. Cooper asked, giving Sheldon a stern look.

"No," he shook his head.

"Did you pack the religious ones I gave you for your birthday?"

Sheldon looked down and shook his head.

"Then you get right back up there mister. If anyone deserves to be memorialized in comic books for heroism, it's Jesus!"

Sheldon scrambled back inside and came down a few seconds later. Mrs. Cooper hugged her son and directed him towards Spock, who was still waiting patiently, hands clasped behind his back.

"But Mommy, aren't you going to miss me?" Sheldon asked.

"Of course I'm gonna miss you, Shelly-bean, even if you do creep the bejeezus out of me."

"Well I'm sorry. It's not my fault. I'm just incredibly smart, and everyone around here is dumber than a bag of rocks."

"Oh, now, don't you start getting snippy. You get in that spaceship. Mommy's gonna be late for Indian bingo."

"But—" Sheldon began.

"Spock to Enterprise. Two ready to beam up," Spock said into his radio. He made that weird hand symbol to Sheldon's mother again, saying, "Live long, and prosper." He and Sheldon disappeared.

"What's happenin'?" Mr. Cooper stumbled out onto the porch, shotgun in hand. "Where's the creature?"

"Damn it, George, I told you if you didn't quit drinkin' I'd leave you!" Mrs. Cooper shouted at him.

"Well, I guess that makes you a liar, 'cause I'm drunk as hell and you're still here!" Mr. Cooper shouted back.

"Stop yelling! It always made Sheldon cry!"

"I'll tell you what's made Sheldon cry! That I let you name him Sheldon!"

"Well it doesn't matter anymore, does it? He's gone, ain't he? My Shelly-bean's gone!"

Mr. Cooper threw the gun down in disgust and stomped into the living room, sucking the last dregs of liquid from his Pepsi can.

High above orbited the starship the U.S.S. Enterprise. Aboard the ship, Spock and Sheldon rematerialized. Sheldon followed Spock down the corridor and Spock opened the door to Sheldon's quarters. But the room was occupied. On the bed sat a large, majestic griffin.

"You are now aboard the starship Enterprise. Welcome to your new home."


End file.
